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Christopher Hitchens is dreadfully tired of watching you masturbate

January 5, 2009, 12:30 pm
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Celebjihad.com has confirmed that author/journalist Christopher Hitchens is “dreadfully Christopher Hitchenstired” of watching you masturbate.


Describing your masturbatory habits as “pure cliché and banality,” Hitchens finds fault not only with your “pedestrian” technique (the fist coupled with occasional deviations to the backhand), but also with your choice of pornographic aides.


“(Your) sole reliance on girl-on-girl orgy porn smacks of overcompensation and leads one to the conclusion that (you have) some kind of subliminal or unaddressed problem,” said Hitchens.  “Perhaps (you) would be more at home viewing a homosexual spank film.”


While Hitchens declined to say how or why he was watching you masturbate, he went on to speculate that you have a camp interest in military uniforms, an obsession with flogging, and an unrelenting hatred of “silky and effeminate Jews.”

The post Christopher Hitchens is dreadfully tired of watching you masturbate appeared first on Celeb Jihad.

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Justin Bieber Hasn’t Jacked Off In A While

April 23, 2012, 6:01 am
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Justin Bieber jacked off


As you can see in the video above pop diva Justin Bieber hasn’t jack off in a while. No doubt the thought of Justin Bieber’s itty bitty balls backed up with boy juice will send Bieber’s large homosexual fan base into an erotic frenzy.


If the blatant homoqueer sitting next to Biebs doesn’t suck him dry, then every infidel male who works in a coffee shop, department store, or for the US armed forces will be too distracted to carry on their day-to-day activities and the American economy will surely collapse.


Unfortunately this will not happen as Justin Bieber is a total slut, and is obviously going to get it hard from the douchebag in the scarf next to him.

The post Justin Bieber Hasn’t Jacked Off In A While appeared first on Celeb Jihad.

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Rihanna Masturbation Pics For Complex Mag

January 18, 2013, 9:12 am
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Rihanna Complex


Pop star Rihanna was photographed masturbating to Internet porn for Complex magazine.


As you can see, Rihanna gets off spreading her legs, squeezing her tits, and rubbing her lady hole while watching a video on her laptop of Chris Brown’s fist coming towards her in the disturbing pics below.


It is important for women to be able to take a beating, as they are dim-witted and in constant need of correction. However, Rihanna deriving sexual pleasure from it by masturbating to fist porn and dating Chris Brown again just goes to show how hopelessly pathetic and deranged a woman can be.

 

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The post Rihanna Masturbation Pics For Complex Mag appeared first on Celeb Jihad.

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Emma Watson Caught Masturbating On Video

March 29, 2013, 12:27 pm
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It looks as though Emma Watson was caught furiously masturbating her sinful lady bits in the disturbing video above.


This Emma Watson masturbation video highlights the importance of female circumcision. With their clits intact women are powerless to resist the temptation of flicking their devil bean, so they constantly partake in self-gratification like Emma Watson in this video.


Another issue raised in this Emma Watson video is the reckless Western custom of allowing women to bath unsupervised. A woman allowed to wash her body alone can get into mischief. That is why in the civilized Islamic world, when it is time for their monthly cleaning we hose our women down in the barn.

The post Emma Watson Caught Masturbating On Video appeared first on Celeb Jihad.

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Miley Cyrus Masturbation Video Leaked

April 19, 2013, 12:28 pm
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The video above of what looks like Miley Cyrus masturbating has just been leaked to the Web.


Clearly Miley Cyrus had just finished hearing a sermon at her local Mosque calling for the destruction of the Zionist controlled West, and was so overcome with lustful desires for the day of Islam’s inevitable victory that she had to pleasure herself most vigorously.


This Miley Cyrus masturbation video is halal as Miley is not rubbing her sin bits for self-gratification, but out of her earnest desire to see the forces of Islam triumph and purify the Western lands with the blood of the infidel. Certainly an extremely noble and erotic fantasy.

The post Miley Cyrus Masturbation Video Leaked appeared first on Celeb Jihad.

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Selena Gomez Masturbation Photos

June 7, 2013, 12:29 pm
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Selena Gomez appears to have been photographed fingering herself in the masturbation pictures below.


Obviously Selena Gomez caught a glimpse of a Muslim man, and was so overcome with lustful desires that she stripped off her clothes and began twiddling her twat right then and there.


Unfortunately this is an all too common occurrence for us virile Muslims, for when uncircumcised infidel women like Selena Gomez see our lush masculine beards or catch a whiff of our potent man stench they are consumed with erotic yearnings and can not resist doing the two finger taco tango.


Selena Gomez fingers

Selena Gomez fingers

The post Selena Gomez Masturbation Photos appeared first on Celeb Jihad.

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Emma Watson Fingers Herself On A Couch

July 18, 2013, 12:48 pm
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Emma Watson fingers


Emma Watson appears to finger herself on a couch in the photo above.


What a lovely sight to behold! That couch is simply gorgeous, and would look perfect on the veranda at my desert palace. It is just a shame that Emma Watson has defiled the couch my fingering her nude body on top of it like this. Unfortunately now this beautiful piece of craftsmanship is not even fit for firewood, as the smoke would almost certainly transmit some form of airborne VD.


Once again Emma Watson and her whorish antics has caused grievous harm to us Muslims. I look forward to the day when Emma Watson will have to answer for this and her numerous other crimes in Shariah court.

The post Emma Watson Fingers Herself On A Couch appeared first on Celeb Jihad.

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Emilia Clarke Masturbating In New Season Of ‘Game Of Thrones’

January 23, 2014, 1:33 pm
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Emilia Clarke masturbating


The photo above is an exclusive first look at Emilia Clarke masturbating from the new season of HBO’s “Game Of Thrones” which is set to premiere on April 6th.


Clearly Emilia Clarke’s character Daenerys “Mother of Dragons” Targaryen hopes to achieve an orgasm so mighty that it will vanquish the money-grubbing Jew Lannisters and unite the 7 kingdoms, bring an end to the bloodshed.


Of course that sort of powerful orgasm can only be achieved by fantasizing about the pelvic thrust of a virile Muslim. Luckily for Daenerys she has no shortage of experience in this area, as the widow of the mighty Islamic warrior Drogo.


Will Emilia Clarke cum in time to take the Iron Throne, and save the realm from the Satanic “white walkers” by establishing a holy Muslim theocracy? We’ll just have to wait and see.

 

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The post Emilia Clarke Masturbating In New Season Of ‘Game Of Thrones’ appeared first on Celeb Jihad.

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Jennette McCurdy Wants You To Masturbate To This Pic

July 24, 2014, 4:27 am
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Jennette McCurdy


Nickelodeon star Jennette McCurdy posted the photo above to her Instagram with the hashtags “#datass, #fapfapfap”.


“Fap” is of course Internet slang for the sound of masturbating, so clearly what Jennette McCurdy is so elegantly trying to convey is that she wants people to masturbate while looking at her ass.


Unfortunately for Jennette McCurdy her ass is completely unremarkable. In fact the only thing about her that is slightly masturbation worthy are her tits, and they are hidden away behind a baggy shirt in this picture.


I can guarantee that no seed will be spilled by us Muslim men over this Jennette McCurdy photo. Unless of course out of frame there is a righteous Muslim with an AK-47, and he is the reason Jennette’s hands are against the wall. My ball sack would certainly empty at such an erotic scene.

 

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The post Jennette McCurdy Wants You To Masturbate To This Pic appeared first on Celeb Jihad.

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Allegra Carpenter Nude Pics And Masturbation Video Leaked

October 17, 2014, 3:39 am
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Allegra Carpenter


“The Fault in Our Stars” star and allergy medication heiress, Allegra Carpenter just had the nude cell phone photos and masturbation video below leaked online.


When Allegra Carpenter isn’t struggling to get her fledgeling acting career off the ground in heathen Hollywood she appears to enjoy paddling her pink canoe, and taking tiny floppy penises to her ear.


Of course this sort of degenerate behavior will serve Allegra Carpenter well in the Zionist controlled entertainment industry. In fact, after the leaking of these nude pics and masturbation video Allegra should not be at all surprised to see offers for roles such as “Strung out junkie whore #1″ and “Girl with Chlamydia” start pouring in. Yes Allegra’s career is about to take off in a big way, and in a few months she will be a household name… and not just because we will be heading into pollen season.


*Update: Allegra Carpenter had her lawyer remove the photos and video.

 

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The post Allegra Carpenter Nude Pics And Masturbation Video Leaked appeared first on Celeb Jihad.

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Lauren O’Neil Nude Pics And Masturbation Video Leaked

October 17, 2014, 10:49 am
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Lauren O'Neil nude leaked


British actress Lauren O’Neil just had the nude cell phone photos and masturbation video below leaked online.


Lauren O’Neil is being quite “cheeky” as the Queen would say, as she dildos her f*ck hole in the video below. Clearly this masturbation video is going to be the most viewed and best reviewed performance of Lauren’s young acting career.



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Yes after seeing Lauren O’Neil working her sin button with her toy in this video and posing nude in the photos below, it is obvious that she has chosen the right profession as she certainly has a presence on screen. In fact, after this leak I wouldn’t be at all surprised to see Lauren O’Neil get a recurring role on Britain’s biggest show “Downton Abbey” playing a “saucy wench” who gobbles on Lord Grantham’s aristocratic testicles.

 

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The post Lauren O’Neil Nude Pics And Masturbation Video Leaked appeared first on Celeb Jihad.

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Katy Perry Naked And Playing With Herself

February 18, 2015, 12:23 pm
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Katy Perry naked


Katy Perry poses completely naked while playing with herself in the disturbing photo above.


One can only imagine what kind of perverse fantasies are playing in Katy’s mind as the tops of her bulbous breasts stand erect and she slowly rubs back and forth on her rapidly moistening slit, while the tips of her fingers gently caress her sin bean.


However, it would be a safe bet to assume that like most infidel females Katy Perry is fantasizing about being righteously plowed by a virile Muslim Jihadist. For not only is our raw masculine sex appeal undeniable, but add to that our bad boy image and one can see why women like Katy find us so irresistible. In the infidel West much fun is made of the idea that martyrs receive 72 virgins when they reach paradise, but really it is not such a big deal to us Muslims as deflowering 72 women is just an average week in our life.

The post Katy Perry Naked And Playing With Herself appeared first on Celeb Jihad.

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Taylor Swift’s Webcam Hacked, Masturbation Video Leaked

February 27, 2015, 9:20 am
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The video above was reportedly recorded off of Taylor Swift’s home webcam after it was taken over by hackers.


As you can see in this video, Taylor Swift appears to be yammering away (probably about her favorite dildos) before the scene cuts to one of her spread naked on her bed toying with her lady lips. The video then proceeds to continue cutting between Taylor babbling like a moron, and her taking a vibrator to her clit like a tremendous whore.


This webcam video certainly illustrates the duality of Taylor Swift’s personality, as she often alternates between being a vapid twit and an insatiable sex kitten. If Taylor could learn to shut her damn mouth then she may just have a future performing as a cam whore. In fact, our holy Muslim webcam site CJcams.com is ready to offer Taylor a poorly decorated bedroom to shoot from, and half a gallon of industrial strength lube if she will come be an exclusive performer on our site. After seeing her lackluster performance in this video, I think the offer is more than generous.

The post Taylor Swift’s Webcam Hacked, Masturbation Video Leaked appeared first on Celeb Jihad.

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Olivia Wilde Fingers Her Bunny Hole For Easter

April 1, 2015, 12:41 pm
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Olivia Wilde fingers


Easter, the holiest of Christian holidays, is this Sunday and to celebrate Olivia Wilde got naked, put on rabbit ears, and fingered her bunny hole in the blasphemous photo above.


Of course as followers of a weak false prophet Jew zombie, Christians lack the moral fortitude to properly respond to this Olivia Wilde finger f*ck desecration of Easter. If Olivia had dared to mock a holy Muslim holiday by going knuckles deep in her filthy cock pocket, you better believe that we’d have taken to the streets with our AK-47s and shouted and burned American flags well into the night.


Yes this sacrilegious Olivia Wilde picture proves that (much like their founder Jesus) all Christians are pathetic pushovers who could easily be nailed to boards. This is certainly not surprising as anyone who would follow the teachings of some scrawny heeb hippie over those of a powerful virile warlord warrior is not only incredibly stupid but a complete pansy.

The post Olivia Wilde Fingers Her Bunny Hole For Easter appeared first on Celeb Jihad.

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Victoria Justice Caught Dildoing Her Ass

May 5, 2015, 11:29 am
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Victoria Justice ass


Victoria Justice’s love of sex toys and her general proclivity for all phallic objects has been well documented through the years on this holy Islamic webiste. That is why it should come as no surprise to our readers to see Victoria dildoing her tight little asshole in the photo above.


Yes we have been reporting on Victoria being a degenerate self-pleasuring slut for quite some time now, and when her nude photos leaked last year during “the fappening” we were once again proven right in our estimations of her.


However, despite the mountains of evidence to the contrary, the corrupt Zionist controlled mainstream media continues to try and portray Victoria as a “good girl”. Thankfully us righteous Muslims have once again stood up for truth and exposed Victoria’s depraved nature with this dildo pic. Why people still get their celebrity news from any other source boggles the mind.

The post Victoria Justice Caught Dildoing Her Ass appeared first on Celeb Jihad.

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Miranda Cosgrove Nude Masturbation Photo Leaked

May 14, 2015, 1:00 pm
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Miranda Cosgrove nude


This alleged photo of former “iCarly” star Miranda Cosgrove nude while masturbating with a vibrator has just been leaked online.


While Miranda’s fellow Nickelodeon child stars Ariana Grande, Victoria Justice, and even Jennette McCurdy have gone on to gain in notoriety after leaving the network, Miranda (who was arguably the biggest star of them all at the time) has been conspicuously absent from the public spotlight. Of course now we know why Miranda has failed to make a name for herself after leaving Nickelodeon, as she has clearly been too busy shoving things into her greedy moist cock hole.


If Miranda Cosgrove spent less time self-pleasuring and more time self-promoting she’d probably be the biggest star in young Hollywood. However, Miranda’s carnal urges are obviously out of control causing her to spend her days laying naked in bed in a state of constant sexual arousal. No doubt just a few powerful thrusts of a Muslim’s enormous manhood could easily quench her fiery loins satiating her lecherous desires, thus allowing Miranda to pursue her career. If Miranda were to sign a contract for 50% of all of her future earnings, us virile Muslims would be willing to work something out with her.

The post Miranda Cosgrove Nude Masturbation Photo Leaked appeared first on Celeb Jihad.

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Selena Gomez Nude Masturbation Video Leaked

May 15, 2015, 9:21 am
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Selena Gomez leaked


A video of Selena Gomez filming herself laying in bed and complaining about not being able to fall asleep before she points the camera down south, rubs her sin bean, and removes her panties, has just been leaked to the Web.


This nude masturbation video was reportedly hacked from a series of private Snapchats that Selena had with a yet unnamed celebrity friend (probably Taylor Swift). After an exhaustive examination of this video, scientists at the “Celeb Jihad Research Institute” in Tehran have determined that it is definitely authentic, as the white fur blanket and annoying white noise sleep machine in the background are the same.



If Selena would just convert to Islam then she would no longer have to stay up late at night in a frustrated state of sexual arousal videotaping herself getting naked and self-pleasuring. For the deep and powerful thrusts of a Muslim man’s gigantic manhood would almost certainly knock her unconscious, and failing that the righteous stones we’d pelt at her head for being a wanton whore would certainly do the trick.

The post Selena Gomez Nude Masturbation Video Leaked appeared first on Celeb Jihad.

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Olga Kurylenko Fingers Herself In New Nude Photo

June 16, 2015, 12:33 pm
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Olga Kurylenko nude


Actress Olga Kurylenko sticks two fingers in her lady hole in the new nude photo above.


Seeing Olga plugging her cock cave while naked in this photo one can not help but be filled with sadness, as her life story is a tragic one. For at the age of 16-years-old Olga was being human trafficked from her native land of the Ukraine to the Middle East, so that she could start an exciting and righteous life as a Muslim’s child bride.


Unfortunately Olga never made it to her husband-to-be in Yemen, and instead was “discovered” by a shiftless Zionist talent agent during a layover in Paris, France. From there it was all downhill for Olga as she was forced to prostitute herself for the entertainment industry, starring in such Hollywood blockbusters as “Quantum of Solace” and “Oblivion”.


Yes one can not help but feel a tremendous sense of loss for Olga, for she could now be spending her days doing chores and field work with a belly filled with her 12th future Jihadist baby instead of gagging her clam on camera. Of course some good did come from this tragedy, as it is now standard procedure to keep girls locked in their crates until they arrive at their husband’s caves and/or tents.

The post Olga Kurylenko Fingers Herself In New Nude Photo appeared first on Celeb Jihad.

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Abigail Spencer’s Leaked Masturbation Videos

September 17, 2015, 2:11 pm
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Abigail Spencer


For today’s “Throwback Thursday” we look back on what was probably one of the most degenerate celebrity leaks of all time in “Rectify” and “True Detective Season 2” star Abigail Spencer’s masturbation videos from “The Fappening”.


As you can see in the first video below, Abigail certainly enjoys filming herself flicking the bean and her nip while in her hotel room. Of course this shameful display never would of happened if Abigail would of had a cliterectomy like a proper woman, but alas the Western world is still woefully behind the times when get comes to repressing blasphemous female sexual urges.



Proving this point further Abigail films herself again caressing her unshorn sin button in the video below which she stupidly filmed vertically.



Clearly Abigail Spencer is one lecherous whore who’s moist cock cave is constantly aching for attention. It is just too bad for her that she is unworthy of receiving a holy Muslim banging, for our enormous meat hoses would surely quench her fiery loins.

The post Abigail Spencer’s Leaked Masturbation Videos appeared first on Celeb Jihad.

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Maisie Williams Posts Nude Masturbation Video

October 2, 2015, 12:02 pm
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18-year-old “Game of Thrones” star Maisie Williams celebrates reaching the one million Twitter follower milestone by opening up to her fans in an extremely revealing and provocative question and answer session in the video above.


Of course the real story of this video is that Maisie Williams was dared to share a video of herself masturbating and she actually did it, as she must really respect the sanctity of the game “truth or dare”.


No doubt seeing Maisie’s impish nubile nude body repeatedly spasm in orgasm from the rubbing of her sin bean was extremely erotic to her pathetically depraved fan base, but it did nothing for us virile Muslim men as we see girls with even smaller, tighter, and less developed bodies in the throes of ecstasy all the time in the form of our child brides on our wedding nights… Which is just another reason why it is so great to be a Muslim!

The post Maisie Williams Posts Nude Masturbation Video appeared first on Celeb Jihad.

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